Life doesn't always give you what you really want. Even you need a lot of effort for making your self happy. In my life, I think it's like a wheel. It's someone entering and exiting. And entering again and exiting in one constant flow. And at the center of that wheel is always my G. Like a G key on sheet music. It's always been there, every time I write a new song .
We ever had a dream together, but we never have a destiny to be together. But I dreamt it for my self for sure. You do crazy fuckin' shit when you are in love. Love will get you somewhere you're hurt, you're abandoned. Yeah it's kinda hurt when you know, you found someone that really connected with you, then one of you realized that it's going to be a toxic relationship and you have to let go each other for the sake of their happiness. This is hilarious. This couldn't be funnier. The funny thing is, I had a feeling that was gonna happen. and, uh.. and it sure did. But I don't know why, I still have a dream about my future with you.
I ever once in relationship that I said to myself, "There's a lot of obstacles that could be facing us in the future, but fuck it ! Right now, I'm not trying to over-think anything. And I'm just trying to go with the flow, and not set these boundaries around my feelings." But then I'm fucked up! No, I can't do it anymore.
I realized that I can't do something that "go with the flow". I have a tons of plan. Because I'm a planner. I am a future planner for my self. I dream about a small eco car that I drive to work, a love partner that waiting me home and cook dinner together or I'll just watching, have my private office room that 'sound proof', have a small workshop at the backyard full of equipment and tools for making 'electronic thing', jogging every morning, go to the bar at night and hooked up with someone stranger (LOL, in my wildest dreams), and go abroad for vacation, hmm Paris would be nice, and Barcelona after that.
Sometimes I want to be a liberal. It's sounds crazy. But, I fucking really want to be liberal. Live in liberal way. That no one can stop you from doing crazy thing. You can kissing in public place. You can go out until 3AM. Legally married with someone have a same sex with you. And do everything you want. Hahahahaha I don't know what I'm just talking about. I think I'm crazy. But who knows, that maybe someday I realizing this craziness.
There's someone ever said "Just keep in mind, that like.. there are other people's feelings, Like floating around and you can't just like stomp all over them. And expect everybody to not get upset." You can't playing with someone's feeling. You can't play jerk anymore. Because I can say that I'm basically the loyal one. But in the past, I can be a betrayer when I feel bored. Hmmm hell yeah I'm kinda little bastard in the past. But hey I've been grown up now. If I love someone, I will love til I die. That's too much? No, I really meant it.
People change. People grow. That's life. I'm not gonna be the same person I was last year. And I'm not gonna be the same person I am now next year. Or the year after that. I'm gonna keep evolving and changing and figuring out who I am and what I want. I'm not living for everybody else. I'm living for myself.
Comments